Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
