forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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