Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
