I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
