People in love make me want to vomit
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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