after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
