i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
