tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
