first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think i have herpe
just one?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
