your parents love me but you hate me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
