i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
