he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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