woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
