Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize