Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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