Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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