I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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