are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
