So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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