i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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