He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
