if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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