Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
