garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
