I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
