Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
