How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
