You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
