guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
