lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
