um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
