I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize