New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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