mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
