All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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