Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
