You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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