i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
