at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
