I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
