my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
