After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
