my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
