just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
this hospital has no fireball
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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