I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
