you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
