I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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