addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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