I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
