singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
