we have pet lesbian snakes
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize