I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
