chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
