we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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