I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
