I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
