I cockslap morals
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
