Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
