You kept calling me your small dog last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
