the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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