She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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