I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
