Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The air taste purple.
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