I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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