dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
