I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
