I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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