Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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