Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
