he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
