There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
