Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize